Vaults - Stop Feeding Your Feelings!

We all hunger for many different things. Unfortunately, many people (men and women) have learned to experience their emotional and sensual hungers as a hunger for food, when what they really hunger for is love, excitement, stress relief, indulgence, and passion.

But when we turn to food, the original hunger never gets fed. So we may feel better for a moment, but then the hunger returns. Over time, many find it impossible to get off the merry-go-round of emotional eating, dieting, and weight gain. The only lasting solution, however, is to learn to stop feeding your feelings.

Learn to feel your feelings

Emotions are energy. And energy is constantly in motion, moving on a continuum from a positive charge to a negative charge, and vice versa. Therefore, during any given day, it is only natural that we will experience a range of both positive and negative emotions. There is no way around it; this is the natural law.

Unfortunately, our emotions, especially the negative ones, are easily super-charged by the negative events in our lives. So anger turns to rage. Loneliness becomes depression. Stress becomes anxiety. And instead of allowing ourselves to truly feel these emotions, we look for ways to make ourselves “feel better.”

And what easier way is there to “feel better” than chocolate, cookies, ice cream, or whatever your “feel better” drug of choice happens to be. The end result is all the same.

Like drugs, sugar activates the pleasure centers of the brain. And the problem is the brain always remember what brings you pleasure and will push you toward those rewards; oftentimes, you won’t even be aware that it’s happening.

So over time, it becomes almost impossible to separate what we truly hunger for (love, stress relief, the desire to be heard, a safe expression of anger, etc.) from the need to feed the hungry, sugar-addicted brain.

It’s not about food

Until you address the reasons why you eat, not only are your weight loss plans likely to fail, but you are also more likely to continue feeding your feelings and gaining more weight.

Unfortunately, instead of working to identify what’s driving the need to eat, most people try to depend on willpower. This is a recipe for failure. On the other hand, your odds of being successful increase dramatically when you directly address what it is you truly hunger for.

Here’s a simple exercise I use with my clients. Before you eat, get in the habit of asking yourself often, “Am I really hungry?” If you’re hungry then eat. But if you’re not hungry, ask yourself, “What am I feeling right now?”

Whatever it is you’re feeling (anger, boredom, stress, anxiety, etc.), allow yourself to fully feel those emotions. Don’t shy away from them and try to make yourself “feel better.” On the contrary, if you’re angry, really feel the anger. If you’re bored, be bored. Don’t shy away from your feelings; acknowledge them and find ways to work through them. The fastest way to get through negative emotions is to go deeper into them until they subside.

There are many different tools you can use to deal with negative emotions. To deal with anger when you’re not alone, give yourself a “time-out” and practice a “silent scream.” As you become more emotionally aware, you’ll soon realize that it doesn’t have to take a long time to work through negative emotions. Emotions are energy and you have the power to change your energy.

The bottom line

Remember, we hunger for play, touch, intimacy, love, romance, excitement, to be heard, adventure and self-expression. And sometimes we are fed not just by food, but also by the energy in our lives. So, instead of feeding your feelings, get in the habit of feeling your feelings and learn to uncover what it is that you truly hunger for.